To men and women who use pornography

You are beloved sons and daughters of the Father. Be not afraid to approach the altar of mercy and ask for forgiveness. Many good people struggle with this sin. You are not alone; there is always hope! Satan, the father of lies, uses shame and fear to keep souls from Jesus’ mercy, but God, the most loving of Fathers, is waiting to meet with joy those who repent and to give them

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the grace they need to combat future temptation. Receive the sacraments regularly to gain God’s help in your trials, especially the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation, through which the Lord forgives a person of mortal sin so that he or she can receive the Sacrament of the Eucharist worthily. Do not let the obstacles of denial, shame, fear, despair, or pride keep you from relying on the Lord’s grace. Believe in the power of God. Ask the Holy Spirit for grace and strength. Trust in Jesus’ mercy. Ask for the intercessory prayer support of the saints in Heaven.

Knowing the truth of who you are in God and receiving spiritual help are critical, but those who use pornography often need further assistance. Freedom from pornography is a daily choice and calls for ongoing formation. The Church encourages you to seek ongoing support such as counseling, spiritual direction, coaching, accountability groups, couple to couple groups, conferences, and retreats for men and women. These are all means to employ as you seek freedom (see Appendix). Software is available for monitoring on-line activity and blocking pornographic material; these may be a necessary means of avoiding the near occasion of sin. If your pornography use has become an addiction, it is even more crucial that you have accountability and the support of professionals who can assist in identifying and healing any emotional wounds that may lie at the root of pornography use. For husbands and wives, counseling professionals can help you disclose to your spouse the struggle you face with pornography in a way that leads to healing and the rebuilding of trust. It is important to find a counselor who will support you in following the Church’s teachings on marriage and chastity.

Cultivating chastity takes work, as does any growth in virtue. It is a lifelong task and a daily choice. Be patient, persevere, and do not be discouraged. If you fall, get up again, go to the Lord in confession and seek his mercy in the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation, and start anew. There is no shame in confessing repeated sins of this kind. Once you are free, helping others find their way out of pornography use can be an effective way of staying committed and strong in your own healing. God can use your experience to touch the hearts and lives of others who are struggling.

To those who have been hurt by their spouse’s pornography use

You are greatly loved by God our Father! You are not alone, nor are you to blame for your spouse’s pornography use. The Church accompanies you with love and tenderness as you confront this sin and its effects on your marriage and family life. You have been deeply hurt. You feel betrayed, deceived, and even traumatized at finding out about your spouse’s pornography use through their own disclosure or your discovery. You may have faced abuse or violence. If you are in a dangerous environment, remove yourself and your children from any danger and seek help.110 Christ can ultimately heal these wounds, and often it takes time. Seek solace in prayer, in receiving the sacraments, and in eucharistic adoration. Anger at your spouse

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is natural and often justified, and it can be helpful to have a spiritual director or trained, trustworthy counselor to help you work through powerful emotions.

God wants to heal your marriage.111 For some of you, your spouse may want to seek help. The encouragement, unconditional love, and trusting hope of a spouse can be a great source of strength for someone who is struggling to be pure. For those of you whose spouse is in denial or rejects help, know that the Church is here for you. Pray for your spouse’s change of heart and seek opportunities to encourage him or her. Set clear boundaries if possible, such as installing an online monitoring program, clearing the home of any pornography, taking care of your own health, and refusing to be used as an excuse for your spouse’s pornography use. There are support groups and counselors for spouses of addicted persons that can help you in this struggle (see Appendix). Remember, you are not alone! The Church wants to help and encourage you and asks those brave enough to acknowledge their own experience with this issue to help other hurting spouses in the community.