PORN, IT IS FREE BUT IT IS NOT REALLY FREE, IT COMES WITH A FRIGHTFUL PRICE TAG, LOSS OF PERSONAL INTEGRITY, JUST AS WITH DRUG ADDICTS

Rod Dreher

The Terrible Cost Of Porn

I’m sorry if the graphic details from this piece in the Telegraph upset you, but we cannot turn away from this demon. In the piece, the writer recalls a dinner conversation among mothers talking about how hard it is to raise kids in a culture where pornography is ubiquitous. Excerpt:

A couple of the women present said that they had forced themselves to have toe-curlingly embarrassing conversations with their teenagers on the subject. “I want my son to know that, despite what he might see on his laptop, there are things you don’t expect a girl to do on a first date, or a fifth date, or probably never,” said Jo.

A GP, let’s call her Sue, said: “I’m afraid things are much worse than people suspect.” In recent years, Sue had treated growing numbers of teenage girls with internal injuries caused by frequent anal sex; not, as Sue found out, because she wanted to, or because she enjoyed it – on the contrary – but because a boy expected her to. “I’ll spare you the gruesome details,” said Sue, “but these girls are very young and slight and their bodies are simply not designed for that.”

Her patients were deeply ashamed at presenting with such injuries. They had lied to their mums about it and felt they couldn’t confide in anyone else, which only added to their distress. When Sue questioned them further, they said they were humiliated by the experience, but they had simply not felt they could say no. Anal sex was standard among teenagers now, even though the girls knew that it hurt.

There was stunned silence among the mothers around that dinner table, although I think some of us may have let out involuntary cries of dismay and disbelief.

For Sue’s surgery isn’t in some inner-city borough where kids may have been brutalised or come from cultures where such practices are commonly used as contraception. Sue works in the leafy heart of Hampshire. The girls presenting with incontinence were often under the age of consent and from loving, stable homes. Just the sort of kids who, only two generations ago, would have been enjoying riding and ballet lessons, and still looking forward to their first kiss, not being coerced into violent sex by some kid who picked up his ideas about physical intimacy from a dogging video on his mobile.

Read the whole thing.

You think that being “nice” people, and maybe putting your kids in Christian school, is going to protect them from this? You’re dreaming. I get so fed up with Christina parents who have no restrictions on their kids’ access to technology, and who aren’t teaching them how to cope with it. They somehow think that either their kids won’t find porn, or that everybody uses it, so how bad can it be, really?

They don’t want to face the reality because if they did, they would have to institute radical changes in their family’s life, including forcing their kids to be weirdos in their peer group.

But what is the alternative? At a conservative Christian college not long ago, a campus minister told me that every single young man he works with, helping them to prepare for seminary after graduation, is addicted to pornography (meaning that they use it compulsively, and find it impossible to stop, even though they want to). Sixteen young men — conservative, churchgoing men who want to serve God and others as pastors — caught in that trap. You think it can’t happen to your kids? Really?

This is not just a moral crisis. It’s a social one. And it’s a crisis that is destroying something vital and precious. Here’s a story about the disaster unfolding in Japan.Excerpt:

Nearly half of Japanese people are entering their 30s without any sexual experience, according to new research.

The country is facing a steep population decline as a growing number of youngsters abstain from sex and avoid romantic relationships.

Some men claimed they “find women scary” as a poll found that 43 per cent of people aged 18 to 34 from the island nation say they are virgins.

One woman, when asked why they think 64 per cent of people in the same age group are not in relationships, said she thought men “cannot be bothered” to ask the opposite sex on dates because it was easier to watch internet porn.

It’s one thing to be a virgin because you choose to abstain until marriage, for religious or moral reasons. It’s quite another to be a virgin because you are too afraid of emotional and physical intimacy, and would rather sit home and watch porn.

We are conducting a radical experiment that has never before in history been tried, because it has never been possible. What happens to individuals and societies when images — moving images — of the most bizarre and violent sex acts imaginable can be instantly accessed by anyone, anywhere, at any time? What does that do to our brains, our minds, and our hearts? What does it to do us as a people?

I keep telling people that the Benedict Option is not about heading for the hills. But when I read stories like this, I think, “I should reconsider that.” True, wherever there is an Internet connection, pornography can find you. I don’t mean “the hills” in a geographical sense. I mean it metaphorically. By “the hills,” I mean a more radical separation from this culture of death.

Let’s say that our own children manage to get through childhood without having porn colonize their minds and hearts. One day, we want them to marry and start families, if that is their calling, right? Think about what the ubiquity of porn does to the prospect of finding life partners who are capable of loving them, in soul and body, in a caring, compassionate, righteous way? This is not a crisis that we can face adequately as individual families. We have to do it as a community. We have to do this as a community embedded in Weimar America, where there is widespread indifference or even contempt for our values. We not only have to do our utmost to protect our sons and our daughters from it, but we have to rescue those of our children who have been ensnared by it.

This British general practitioner is treating teenage girls under the age of consent for incontinence. They cannot keep from soiling themselves because the muscles in their rectums have been stretched out from anal sex. You want to turn away, I know. So do I. But we can’t. Nor can we turn away from the young men who have been convinced that demanding this of girls is something good and right and necessary.

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62 Responses to The Terrible Cost Of Porn

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  1. Xenia Grant says:

    Rod:

    I read your latest article with sadness and horror. This article brought up for me not only memories of when I was a ore teen and young teenager.

    I was that age in the late 70s during the time of studio 54 and Saturday Night Fever. At that age, I hated it when classmates asked,”Are you a virgin?’ I played dumb and it was easy for to as autistic kid whose main interests centered around Battlestar Galactica and the USSR. That question scared me because at that time, off and on over a multi year time frame, I was raped by a neighbor’s grandfather. And I thought what was happening to me was “having sex”. And it mortified me if anyone found out. I thought that rape happened at knife or gun point at that age. It wasn’t until 1984, when I learned that what happened to me was rape.

    The reason why I am writing this is that is a major reason why I am more socially conservative and find chastity and monastism attractive.

    Our culture finds chastity and being a nun or a monk foreign. And it confuses my friends (especially liberals) that I am this way because I am way to the left on other issues.

    I wish young people today learn about how heroic it is, for example, for a young woman to protect her virginity to the point of being a martyr during the Roman Yoke because her bridegroom is Jesus Christ. And it would be nice for young men to watch videos showing the hero fighting to protect a vulnerable person (male or female) from being taken advantage of.

  2. KW says:

    I apologize, my earlier comment lacked compassion. I grew up in the “swingin’ ’70s,” came from a broken home that blossomed into all manner of seedy and unfortunate situations, and I long for my child to not be exposed to the many terrible things I was exposed to growing up. The territory explored in “Hillbilly Elegy” was very familiar to me, and I will do what I can, by the grace of God, to ensure that is not the case for my child. Parents, please consider doing likewise.

  3. Northern Observer says:

    What amazes me about this is I don’t think any of the advocates for social liberalism be them ivory tower giants like Foucault down to grubby freshmen SJWs belting out slogans at an “inclusivity” protest, have any inkling of what rolling back Christian sexuality will mean long term. They have no idea what is being lost. In fact the very victory they claim to be gaining, personal sexual autonomy and freedom, is disappearing from the landscape as the spiritual logic for a sacredness of the body and a respect for the human soul evaporates.
    Commodification, Raw physical power, psychological manipulation – all the joys of pagan sexuality are roaring back into the World hungry to devour anyone it can lay hands on.

  4. Blackrock says:

    Plus, despicable articles in Teen Vogue showing teenagers how to do it . . .
    http://thefederalist.com/2017/07/10/sjws-melt-feminist-youtuber-says-scientifically-correct-thing-sexes/

  5. Heyseed says:

    Is pornography the cause or the effect? Might the problem be that we (Society) has decided that satisfying monogamous sexual relationships, and marriage in particular, are for when one is too old to participate in the laissez-faire sexuality we have foisted upon our young people in the guise of “liberation”?

    I don’t know what to think about those girls with the rectal injuries, but those seminarians, in an earlier era, would have been paired off, if not actually married, to someone who could help them have a healthy sexual life. I have to think it’s the delay of marriage which leaves the vacuum pornography is used in an attempt to fill.

  6. k says:

    “However, the benchmark in the evangelical community for a “porn addict” is pretty suspect. It is usually defined as “someone who looks at a sexually explicit image once a month or more.”

    I usually find it discussed as being when people hate what they are doing, feel guilty or repulsed by it, hate what they see it doing to them, yet find themselves drawn back to it again and again even though they keep trying to quit – as with any addiction.

  7. Lllurker says:

    “…but when people who have endured this blight come of age and have children, they’ll know the score and perhaps (?) they’ll be more vigilant about phone use and so forth. a slender hope, but that’s about all we’ve got …”

    There’s an odd technical twist in all of this. Those of us who were parenting in the nineties and aught’s were (and in my case still are) technical troglodytes compared to the teenagers. Even had we been fully organized politically to do something about this I don’t think we would have had much of a chance because the tech companies and our kids could all run rings around us. The new parents coming on the scene now are not so technically ignorant.

    This is really a pretty straightforward issue by the way. It’s always been illegal for 14 year-old boys to hang out at strip clubs right? Well it should be even more illegal for them to have ready access to Internet porn, which can be far worse.

    It’s going to take a lot of activism to cram this genie back into the bottle (and all the tech companies will insist that it’s not possible) but we need to get back to where only adults are allowed access to this kind of thing.

  8. Anna says:

    Lllurker: “Have you come across any sort of programs that teach parents how to deal with porn, preemptively?”

    I have. The Mormons have been producing a lot of material for this purpose, and what I’ve looked at seems pretty good. The LDS church has a website called “overcomingpornography.org” where you can find some of it.

    They have young kids (perhaps 8 to 10 years old) narrate the videos, and they keep their definition of porn simple and general enough not to have to explain more about sex than is appropriate. Of course, there’s all the weird “Heavenly Father” language, which will sound odd to any non-Mormon kids, but other than that, I thought they seemed pretty good for non-Mormon use too.

About abyssum

I am a retired Roman Catholic Bishop, Bishop Emeritus of Corpus Christi, Texas
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