This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 8 June 2019

The new version of the Lord’s prayer

Pope Francis has set up a special Vatican committee to provide a new modernist translation of the Lord’s prayer, and we were privileged to hear (by means of an Ecclesbug (TM)) an account of their discussions.

Right, guys, Pope Francis wants a new translation of this prayer. We could start with the New Testament Greek if you like?

Oh no, that’s all squiggles to me. How about using the Latin? Does anyone speak it?

I did a bit at school. Caesar adsum jam forte. Pompey aderat. That sort of stuff.

Caesar adsum jam forte

Caesar adsum jam forte. Pompey aderat.

Great! We can probably work that in somewhere. Now, let’s start.

Pater noster, qui es in caelis.

Our holy Father who is… er, in caelis? 

In the cellar? That’s where he lives now that he has become even more humble.

Sanctificetur nomen tuum.

Sanctified be your, er nomen. Gnome? Is this a reference to Austen Ivereigh?

Adveniat regnum tuum.

Adveniat, er, Advent? Advent rules you? How about “Advent rules OK”?

Fiat voluntas tua.

Your wish was a Fiat. I think the Pope wanted a really humble car, you see.

Pope and car

My other car is a Fiat.

Sicut in caelo et in terra.

Does he play the cello? Well I’ve heard of Maradiaga on the fiddle… So far I’ve got “As the cello on the ground” – doesn’t seem to mean much.

Look, if we aim for a meaningful translation we’ll be here all day, and we’ll miss Cocco’s party. Shove it down as it is.

Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie.

This is the bit about bread, isn’t it? Shall we make the prayer more up-to-date by changing it to “pizza”? Give us some pizza today?

Et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris.

Something to do with debts and nostrils? Help us pay for our cocaine?

Hurry up, Cocco’s party’s starting soon.

Et ne nos inducas in tentationem.

We all know what he wants there. Do not let us fall into temptation.

Why not “fall into the Thames”? That would be snappier, wouldn’t it?

Sed libera nos a malo.

Malo is apple, I’m fairly sure. Is this a reference to Adam and Eve?

Free us from apples!

Adam and Eve

Free us from apples!

So, what we’ll give the punters from now on is:

Our holy Father, who is in the cellar,
Sanctified be your gnome.
Advent rules OK.
You wanted a Fiat
As the cello on the ground.
Give us some pizza today, 
And help us pay for our cocaine.
Do not let us fall into the Thames,
But free us from apples!

Well, guys, I think we’ve done a good job there. Pope Francis will be delighted.Posted by Eccles at 10:581 comment:  Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to PinterestLabels: AdamAppleCaesarcarCardinal CoccopalmerioEveFiatjamLord’s prayerPompey,Pope Francis

About abyssum

I am a retired Roman Catholic Bishop, Bishop Emeritus of Corpus Christi, Texas
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  1. Priceless! Hope the Swiss Guards don’t find you…

  2. John Rayner says:

    Highly amusing and making a real point as well.

  3. Christine Hurley says:

    I made changes to the Our Father too…

    Our Francis, who art in the Vatican,
    how did you get to be pope.
    Your errors confuse and your heresies abound
    in Amoris as in Letitia.
    Give us this day our daily dig.
    And accuse us of our trespasses, as you accuse
    Vigano, the Dubia Cardinals, and rigid promethian pharisees of trespassing against you..
    And don’t lead us not into temptation, since we’re not allowed to say that anymore.
    But deliver us from global warming.

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