“You will find him in my Sacred Heart”
published 21 February 2011 by Dr. Ronda Chervin

Today is the 20th anniversary of the death of my son, Charles. We had twin girls, then 3 miscarriages, then Charlie, and then 3 more miscarriages. Charlie was the son of my husband’s old age. He was a delightful child, good, deep, and highly creative – a cellist and composer. He had what Jungians call an eternal child syndrome. He had such a loving happy youth that he refused to become an adult. At 19 he looked for the most beautiful spot in the world to leap into the Pacific Ocean at Big Sur to his death.

It was the most horrifying moment in our lives. It still is a dagger in my heart even though I believe that God saved him. As you may know the catechism teaches that most suicides are out of their minds so we need not assume they are in hell, but pray for their progress toward a better place. A word I got in my heart was to look for him in the Sacred Heart.

Advice I have to give is never think those who threaten suicide are just faking to get attention – get them professional help immediately.

When I saw his dead body I grabbed the mercy chaplet and have never stopped praying it. I realized that we all need mercy, not merit badges.

You might want to hear his beautiful music to Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings on Click on Music of Charles Chervin. He also wrote, just before he died, a plaintive piece called Requiem for a Lost Childhood, which you can also hear at the same place. There was a concert by the musicians from his music school a few months afterwards. I ran around saying, please steal his melodies so that he can live. Since this web is redolent with composers, please steal it if you like it!

Dr. Ronda has many free e-books and audios on her website If you go to her website and read or listen and then want to correspond with her she will be available. Her schedule does not permit, however, responding to comments on the Blog, though she enjoys reading them.

About abyssum

I am a retired Roman Catholic Bishop, Bishop Emeritus of Corpus Christi, Texas
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