HERE IS YOUR LITTLE DOSE OF SATIRE TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE MASS SUICIDE OF THE POPULATION OF IRELAND

Eccles and Bosco is saved


Irish people plan a mass suicide pact

Posted: 31 May 2018 07:35 AM PDT

Following the result of the referendum on abortion, and the decision by Irish politicians to press for euthanasia next (“anything to annoy the Catholic Church”), many Irish people feel that they should now go the whole way – instead of merely exterminating the very young and very old, why not wipe out the entire population?Ireland, empty

Ireland as it will look: empty.

Archbishop Diarmuid Martin of Dublin has already given his backing to this mass suicide pact, explaining that “It is surely God’s will to return Ireland to the state it was in when He created it – empty. Or, if it wasn’t, don’t expect me to speak out until after we’ve all been killed!”

The actual mechanism of the mass extermination of the Irish people is still to be decided. Historically, potato famines were very popular, but nowadays the only consequence of a potato famine would be that the Irish would no longer have to put up with that arch-bore Gary Lineker advertising his unhealthy snacks. Still, that alone makes this seem like a good idea.

Repulsive man eating crisps

Enough to make you yearn for another potato famine.

Clearly some more systematic way for the Irish to destroy themselves is required. Prime Minister Varadkar has organized a survey asking people which groups they would like to see exterminated first, and the following sections of the population were particularly disliked:

children, adults, the young, the old, the middle-aged, the religious, the non-religious, the whites, the blacks, the other races, tinkers, tailors, soldiers, sailors, rich men, poor men, beggarmen, thieves, fathers, mothers, males, females, people of undecided or indescribable sex/gender, tourists, local residents, hairy people, bald people, heterosexuals, homosexuals, anything else-sexuals, people called “Martin”, people not called “Martin”, the employed, the unemployed, the sick, the healthy, …

For each of these groups it is possible to find someone who dislikes them, so into the suicide booths they go!

Ah yes, the suicide booths. Well they will look like this:

confessional

New-look suicide booth (no longer required for its original purpose).

There have already been some comments from devoutly religious British politicians on the MIDA (“Make Ireland Dead Again”) plan. Theresa May thinks it’s a wonderful idea, but Jacob Rees-Mogg doesn’t. Still, if MIDA is a success, then the United Kingdom is certain to follow suit.


About abyssum

I am a retired Roman Catholic Bishop, Bishop Emeritus of Corpus Christi, Texas
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3 Responses to HERE IS YOUR LITTLE DOSE OF SATIRE TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE MASS SUICIDE OF THE POPULATION OF IRELAND

  1. We Canadians would be willing to give Ireland our “Catholic” Prime Minister Jihadi Justin Trudeau to help speed up the mass suicide process. He’s the perfect choice for knowing how to kill a nation in a very short amount of time.

  2. You forgot redheads! They are sure to be as extinct as blondes in Sweden. And people with freckles! How many beautiful babies with red hair and freckles won’t be seen now…

  3. planechant2 says:

    Thanks, another great post! Long live Eccles and Bosco!

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