NARCISSIM IN PRIESTS, PART TWO


What embarrasses narcissists?

Why does a narcissist go no contact?


Quora Digest
 <digest-noreply@quora.com

Why does a narcissist go no contact?

Tom Ewall

Tom Ewall, M.S. Mathematics, University of Iowa (1984)Answered Jan 16, 2018Originally Answered: Why does the narcissist go no contact?

They don’t. They will give you the “the silent treatment.” It might appear to be the same thing, but the motivation is very different.

Going “no contact” is something a neurotypical does to protect against narcissistic abuse. Because of being mentally ill, those with narcissistic personality disorder often do horrible things to those who care for them, with no remorse, or even the least clue they’re doing anything wrong. Often they’ll never change, and unfortunately the best option is to cut off all contact with the abuser.

Narcissists will give you the silent treatment for the same reason they do everything they do, which is to prop up their idealized false self. They have a high sense of entitlement, and certain ideas, delusions, as to who they are and what they deserve. They use different psychological tactics to provoke responses from their victims to give them feedback that they are who they think they are.

If they’re giving you the silent treatment, it’s because they’re trying to exert control over you and provoke some response (anger, frustration, anxiety) which will make them feel special.

Feeling special is paramount to the narcissist.145.7k Views · View Upvoters · View SharersUpvote· 584Share· 46

Rene Henry Gracida

RecommendedAll

Lynda Brown

Lynda BrownJan 24, 2018 · 32 upvotes including Tom Ewall

Very well said, Tom; however, I have to humbly disagree that the narcissist/narcopath doesn’t have a clue that they are doing anything wrong. They absolutely do know that they are doing something wrong…it’s just that they DON’T CARE and feel ENTITLED to break the law, rules, or just being that me…(more)Reply· Upvote· Downvote· Report

Tom Ewall

Tom EwallOriginal Author · Feb 3 · 8 upvotes

One of the aspects of narcissism is an inability to feel guilt (i.e. “doing something wrong”). Instead they have the concept of being caught.

For a neurotypical, if you’re afraid of getting caught, that means you know you’ve done something wrong, but that’s not the way narcissists perceive it. For…(more)Reply· Upvote· Downvote· Report

April Rindfleisch

April RindfleischJan 28 · 9 upvotes including Lynda Brown

You are correct about the knowing. I was frequently told matter of factly they knew “exactly what they’re doing”. Actually TOLD me, while they displayed the behaviour TOWARD me. By the time I had figured out how in trouble I was with this person, I had been worn down to a nub. Somehow, I held it …(more)Reply· Upvote· Downvote· ReportView More Replies

Tom Ewall

Tom Ewall, M.S. Mathematics, University of Iowa (1984)Answered Jan 16, 2018Originally Answered: Why does the narcissist go no contact?

They don’t. They will give you the “the silent treatment.” It might appear to be the same thing, but the motivation is very different.

Going “no contact” is something a neurotypical does to protect against narcissistic abuse. Because of being mentally ill, those with narcissistic personality disorder often do horrible things to those who care for them, with no remorse, or even the least clue they’re doing anything wrong. Often they’ll never change, and unfortunately the best option is to cut off all contact with the abuser.

Narcissists will give you the silent treatment for the same reason they do everything they do, which is to prop up their idealized false self. They have a high sense of entitlement, and certain ideas, delusions, as to who they are and what they deserve. They use different psychological tactics to provoke responses from their victims to give them feedback that they are who they think they are.

If they’re giving you the silent treatment, it’s because they’re trying to exert control over you and provoke some response (anger, frustration, anxiety) which will make them feel special.

Feeling special is paramount to the narcissist.145.7k Views · View Upvoters · View SharersUpvote· 584Share· 46

Rene Henry Gracida

RecommendedAll

Lynda Brown

Lynda BrownJan 24, 2018 · 32 upvotes including Tom Ewall

Very well said, Tom; however, I have to humbly disagree that the narcissist/narcopath doesn’t have a clue that they are doing anything wrong. They absolutely do know that they are doing something wrong…it’s just that they DON’T CARE and feel ENTITLED to break the law, rules, or just being that me…(more)Reply· Upvote· Downvote· Report

Tom Ewall

Tom EwallOriginal Author · Feb 3 · 8 upvotes

One of the aspects of narcissism is an inability to feel guilt (i.e. “doing something wrong”). Instead they have the concept of being caught.

For a neurotypical, if you’re afraid of getting caught, that means you know you’ve done something wrong, but that’s not the way narcissists perceive it. For…(more)Reply· Upvote· Downvote· Report

April Rindfleisch

April RindfleischJan 28 · 9 upvotes including Lynda Brown

You are correct about the knowing. I was frequently told matter of factly they knew “exactly what they’re doing”. Actually TOLD me, while they displayed the behaviour TOWARD me. By the time I had figured out how in trouble I was with this person, I had been worn down to a nub. Somehow, I held it …(more)Reply· Upvote· Downvote· ReportView More Replies

Ritamarie Cavicchio

Ritamarie Cavicchio, Aspie, proud parent of a 13 year old kid with autismAnswered Dec 21

Lots of good answers here about what embarrasses narcissists.

My experience has been that narcissists hate to be ignored. No emotion or energy can be expended toward them. You have to starve them out.

Ignoring a narcissist is difficult and they will work like heck to get attention any way they can. Starving them of attention can take several tries, so don’t be sad when you give in to them. Just try again.

My experience with this happened over three years with the worst narcissists I’ve encountered. He would come and go, make promises, start fights and then leave. After a few days or a week, I would miss him and reach out to him and then he would start the cycle all over again.

I don’t know how many times I fell into this trap—-probably a dozen or more times—before I finally just stopped engaging with him. When he left once again in late September—-after a pleasant weekend together—I just decided to stop calling, stop texting, stop engaging.

It was very difficult!! About a month after I stopped calling him, he called—acting all nice and charming—and asked why I stopped calling him. He wanted to know if I missed him. I feigned lack of interest and I think he finally got the message that I didn’t want him around anymore.

That was over two years ago and he has been gone completely. That doesn’t mean I still don’t have urges to send him a nasty message or even miss him, but I’ve stayed firm. I figured out that he thrived on the chaos, but when I starved him out completely, he realized he couldn’t take from me anymore and moved on to someone else.

By the way, don’t think you are going to change a narcissist! It will never happen and it will just make your life unbelievably crazy. Establish and reestablish boundaries with him and be happy when he finally leaves. Go on with your life—even if it is difficult at first. Don’t think of revenge either, because they are masters at that. Just starve them out!

You’ve got to look out for yourself, because they sure as heck aren’t looking out for you! Good luck!190.1k Views · View Upvoters · View SharersUpvote· 434Share· 29

About abyssum

I am a retired Roman Catholic Bishop, Bishop Emeritus of Corpus Christi, Texas
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.