I believe two of the most significant mistakes narcissists make are: Underestimating people they are in close relationships with (partners, adult children, and friends) Not seeking help or committing to changing/treatment when they realize something is seriously off, especially after repeated failed relationships, loss of friends, difficulties getting along with people at work, etc.

QUORA
What common mistakes do narcissists make?
Sara Rosseel
Sara Rosseel, Narcissist Ex-boyfriend and Narcissistic Mother
Answered Jul 9
What common mistakes do narcissists make?

Based on my experience as the girlfriend of someone with NPD and the daughter of a narcissistic mother, I believe two of the most significant mistakes narcissists make are:

Underestimating people they are in close relationships with (partners, adult children, and friends)
Not seeking help or committing to changing/treatment when they realize something is seriously off, especially after repeated failed relationships, loss of friends, difficulties getting along with people at work, etc.
One of the biggest mistakes narcissists make is underestimating people in close relationships with them. First of all, they think they’re superior to everyone, so they don’t give them enough credit. Second, they don’t see others for who they really are. Rather, they see them superficially and as either all good (idealized) or all bad (devalued). Their inability to see and understand other people indepth combined with their lack of awareness means they never see it coming when their victims feel they’ve been badly treated, have had enough, and leave them or put up strong boundaries.

My narcissist ex-boyfriend (who is diagnosed with NPD–something I only learned at the end of our relationship–and who I would say is a low-to-medium functioning narcissist) greatly underestimated me. He gaslighted me, attempted to manipulate and triangulate me, devalued me, projected his self-loathing and negative self-beliefs on me, and threatened me. But I didn’t take it lying down. I fought back and outmaneuvered him by getting information I used to protect myself and neutralize his aggression. Then I broke up with him and went no contact. Given how badly things ended between us, I never expected him to hoover me. But recently–almost a year and a half after we broke up–he tried. I ignored it. Once again he underestimated me and overestimated himself.

My narcissistic mother has also underestimated me. When anything happens to me or my siblings, to her, it’s all about how it affects her. She sees me as an extension of herself and not as my own person. I was unable to assert myself as a child, but as an adult (after realizing she is narcissistic), I have put up strong boundaries. This has frustrated her to no end. She doesn’t know how strong my sense of self is. Each time she pushes my boundaries, she seems to think I’ll relent, once again underestimating me. For now, I am holding firm.

Another important mistake narcissists make is not seeking help when they realize something is seriously off. While one could argue they lack the ability to self-reflect and it’s often said many narcissists aren’t aware they have a problem, many diagnosed narcissists in treatment report that they’ve always known something was wrong. In some cases, they realize it after a series of failed relationships, loss of friends, or difficulties getting along with people at work. In other cases, they seek help for an addiction (alcoholism, substance abuse), eating disorder, or depression, and inadvertently discover they have narcissistic. personality disorder. Having said that, despite knowing something is off with them, some narcissists don’t seek help and continue to harm people close to them. And in some cases like my narcissist ex-boyfriend’s, they’re diagnosed with NPD, but refuse to accept it or commit to therapy.

About abyssum

I am a retired Roman Catholic Bishop, Bishop Emeritus of Corpus Christi, Texas
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1 Response to I believe two of the most significant mistakes narcissists make are: Underestimating people they are in close relationships with (partners, adult children, and friends) Not seeking help or committing to changing/treatment when they realize something is seriously off, especially after repeated failed relationships, loss of friends, difficulties getting along with people at work, etc.

  1. hellenback7 says:

    Glad to see how much this person seems to enjoy “outmanouvering” people and “frustrating them to no end”.
    Sounds like she fits right in with the rest of the world now.

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